Halo:Ultimate Deathmatch!
by Lazyjoker
Summary: In the world of Halo three teams of spartans battle for dominance.Along the way they meet some odd characters and all chaos ensues.Its rated r for violence blood and language.


HALO:

Ultimate Deathmatch

Characters

Red team- Jack, Tom, laptop,Sam

Blue team-Scott, Nate,Dan,John

Green team-G-1,G-2,Mat,Rich

Other characters

Phrophet( a black master chief who believes he should rule the universe)

The elite squad-Blorg,Bloch,Spanky

Episode1:Damn crazy ass monkey from space.

0900 hours blood gulch

Red teams base

Jack:(standing on top of the base)Hey guys!did you know if you stick your hand in this portal your technically in two places at once?!

Laptop:(walks up to meet jack)Jack stop being a fucking asshole and try doing something for once.

Jack:I do plenty of things...

Laptop:Like write your name in bullets along the wall of the base.

Jack:Oh...guess you found that.Look, Green team isn't even on this planet anymore and the Blue team hasn't attacked in 4 days.

Laptop:Maybe but their probally planning something.

Jack:There is no need to worry we should just sit back and(a jack hammer rocket flies past Jacks head)

( a large mushroom cloud appears where a worthog once stood)

Jack:Holy shit on a biscuit!!!

Laptop:Tom,Sam!!We've got Blue enemies!!!!!

Tom:(rushes up wearing a slightly lighter shade of redMJLONIR armor then the rest of the team]

Sam:(emerges from the portal wearing an almost orange MJLONIR armor]

Tom:How many of em Laptop?

Laptop:(turns on motion tracking devices imbedded in his helmet)Oh crap...theirs 4 of em in a rocket worthog.(more rockets fly by and Jack is thrown off the base)

Jack:Tell my parents i love them!!

Sam:You don't have any parents dude.

Jack:Oh yeah.(hits ground)

Tom:Laptop, get the scorpion tank ready.Me and sam will make sure those bastards don't get the flag.

Laptop:I believe it's pronounced Sam and i.

Tom:Shut the fuck up and blow those bitches to hell!!!!

Laptop:[runs down into the base)

Sam:(grabs a shotgun)Here they come.

(in the rocket hog)

John:Nate get ready to fire more rockets.

Nate:Whatever.

Scott:(sitting in the drivers seat wearing light blue armor unlike the rest of his team who are wearing dark blue)Im gonna drive us straight into the base!

John:Oh thats smart why don't you just shoot us all in the freaking head?

Scott:...uh...well...i havent been ordered to sir.

Nate:Wow you are one big dumbass.

(back at red base)

Sam:AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!(The blue teams worthog flies through the air heading straight for the red base)

Tom:Mother of god.

John:Scott you stupid monkey!!I told you not to do this.

Scott:I know but this seems so fun.

Nate:Damn it why did i have to take dans spot today.

(meanwhile back at blue base)

Dan:MMMMFFFF(tied up)

G-1:Ha...Ha....Ha...i G-1 of the green team hearby declare this a green team base.

Mat:Yeah bitch you are officially going to die.

Rich:(wearing a more yellowish then green armor)Why kill him when we could make him into one of our own.

Dan:(nods head in approval)

Rich:PSYKE!!Blow his brains out G-2.

G-2:Yes my human master i shall, as you say, blow his brains out(G-2 fires 2 pistol rounds into Dans helmet visor)

Mat:Ah damnit you got brains all over me.( a myestrious figure in Black MJLONIR armor walks in)

G-1:(stands in front of the mysterious Spartan ll)Identify yourself,are you an enemy or friend?

????:I am niether!!I am Phrophet lord of your souls!!

Mat:Uh-huh.

Phrophet:I have come here from the darkest regions of the universe to....

Rich:To.....

Phrophet:Um....to you know take over you.

Rich:Why?

Phrophet:Because i can!

Mat:No you can't.

Phrophet:Yes i can!

G-1:Probability of you taking over us is about 5billion to 1.

Phrophet:..................................................................

Mat:HAHA!!stupid ass hahahahahaha!!(hit in the head with Phrophets assualt rifle)

Phrophet:Stupid nothing scum!!

Rich:(kicks mat)

Mat:(remains motionless)

Rich:Is he dead?

G-2:Scanning life monitors.No he is alive just paralyzed from the brain down.

Rich:Well as long as he isn't dead.

Phrophet:(raises rifle)Who is next!!!!

G-1:(attempts to grab Phrophet)

Phrophet:(blows off G-1s head)

Rich:Ow......

G-2:My master what shall we do?

Rich:Okay G-2 hold him off while i run away.

G-2:Yes master(rushes towards Phrophet)

Phrophet:Die filthy cyborg scum!(breaks G-2s helmet visor and shoves a plasma grenade in it)

G-2:(grabs phrophet)If i go you go.

Phrophet:Well this sucks(the blue base explodes)

Rich:(driving away in a worthog.)They were great men.Well they weren't that great but damn at least they made good distractions for that crazy ass space monkey.

(back at red base)

BAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMM!!!!

(the blue teams worthog crashes into red base)

John:(climbs out of smoldering worthog)coughNatecoughdo you see them?

Nate:Yeah and they have a big ass scorpion tank facing right at us.

John:(turns and see's Jack,tom and sam on the barrel of the scorpion tanks cannon)

Scott:Hey would it be a bother if we stole your flag?

Tom:Yep.

Jack:Fire Laptop!!

John:Crap(a gigantic explosion engulfs the red base)

Laptop:(emerges from the Scorpions pilot seat)Woah.Looks like we've got some repairing to do.

Sam:At least their done for.

Jack:Yeah lets go get a pizza.

Laptop:Shouldn't we go and capture the blue teams flag?

Jack:Nah besides their base just exploded.

Laptop:(turns to see the wreckage of what once was blue teams base)How the hell?( a dark figure can be seen floating into space)

Phrophet:I shall return!!

Laptop:My god.

Tom:Whats up Laptop?

Laptop:I just realized i havent had anything to eat in like a day, lets go get some pizza.

Sam:Pizza!!!

(meanwhile in the middle of bloodgulch)

John:Good thing that teleporter was there or we would be pretty dead right now.

Scott:Sir my arm is gone and i'm bleeding pretty bad.

John:Shake it off.

Scott:Yes sir.

Nate:Hey is that our base?

John:( looks at the demolished blue base)What the!!( Notices a worthog with the words GREEN TEAM written on it)Sons of bitches!Nate prepare plasma grenades.

Nate:Right.

(at the green worthog)

Rich:Haha!I lost my entire team but at least i got the blue teams flag and it looks like their out of the-(Sees 3 blue balls flying through the air)Shitolly molly!!(jumps out of the worthog)Woooo that was close.

????:Stand up foolish human!!

Rich:(turns to face 3 covenant elite)Oh god damnit.

????:Spanky,Bloch you know what to do.

Spanky and bloch:Heh yes sirBlorg.

Scott:Should we shoot at him?

John:No i think the Elites will take care of him.

Nate:What do we do now?

John:Prepare to head for reach!! Iets call in Green team HQ and get the fuck out of here.

Nate:What about Dan?

John:Oh come on he's obviously dead.

Nate:Yeah uh right sir.

Scott:He will be remembered.

John:Fat chance.I'm radioing HQ.

(meanwhile aboard a covenant battle cruiser)

Spanky:Mmmm,mmm.Thats good human.(bites into a leg of human flesh)

Blorg:Idiot we don't eat humans.(cracks Spanky over the head)

Spanky:Oh yeah wrong video game.

End


End file.
